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Roy Investigates the Secret Life of Pets | The Daily Show

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SO WHO DID LET THE DOGS OUT? HOUSE PETS. THEY'RE FURRY,
THEY'RE FRIENDLY, AND THEY LEAD SIMPLE,
QUIET LIVES. OR DO THEY? IF YOU OWN AN ANIMAL
THERE'S A 71% CHANCE YOUR PET HAS SOMETHING
HIDDEN IN YOUR HOME AT THIS VERY MOMENT. PERHAPS A BONE, OR SOME BOLOGNA. DELICIOUS. BUT IF OUR PETS ARE WILLING
TO HIDE THESE THINGS FROM US, WHAT ELSE COULD THEY BE HIDING? FOR GENERATIONS, THIS QUESTION
HAS REMAINED UNANSWERED. BUT THAT'S ABOUT TO CHANGE. I'M ROY WOOD, JR.

AND I'M HERE TO UNCOVER
THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS. GOTCHA! OH OK, YOU'RE GOING TO
MAKE ME WORK FOR IT. THAT'S COOL, I'M GONNA
CATCH YOU. WATCH, I'MMA CATCH YOU. IF I WAS GOING TO UNCOVER
WHAT PETS DID WHEN THEIR OWNERS
WEREN'T AROUND I FIRST NEEDED TO
IMMERSE MYSELF IN HOUSE PET CULTURE. SO I HEADED TO A LOCAL
DOGGY DAY CARE TO GET THE LOW DOWN FROM DOG CARE SPECIALIST,
PETER BRESLIN. -WELCOME TO OUR DOG HOTEL! -WHO'S THAT? -OH THAT'S KIMMY. -HEY KIMMY! I'M ON TO YOU. I'M NOT SOME NAIVE FOOL
LIKE PETER. YOU CAN'T TRICK ME THAT EASY. NO OFFENSE. -LET ME GIVE YOU A TOUR. -YEAH LET'S GO. -LET'S CHECK OUT THE
GROOMING AREA. ALONG WITH WATCHING THE DOGS,
SOMETIMES WE BATHE THEM, AND GIVE THEM HAIRCUTS. THAT'S OSCAR. IS THERE EVER ANY CONCERN
WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING, THAT OSCAR MIGHT TAKE
THESE CLIPPERS AND GIVE KIMMY A
HUMAN-LIKE HAIRCUT.

AND THEN THE NEXT THING
YOU KNOW, KIMMY'S ON TOP OF OSCAR'S
SHOULDERS, WEARING A TRENCHCOAT, THEY'RE GOING THROUGH THE
AIRPORT, WADDLING TO A PLANE, ALL THE WAY TO RENO! -I'D SAY THERE'S ZERO
CONCERN OF THAT HERE. -I'M ON TO YOU. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. I'M NOT A DUMB-DUMB
LIKE PETER! AGAIN, NO- AGAIN, NO-
NO DISRESPECT. YOU KNOW WHAT, THANK YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT, THANK YOU.
JUST, THANK YOU. KNOWING THAT SOMEONE AS
GULLIBLE AS PETER WAS WATCHING OUR ANIMALS, I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD HOW EASILY PETS COULD DECEIVE US HUMANS. THE QUESTIONS WAS, WOULD THEY? I NEEDED TO BETTER UNDERSTAND
THE MIND OF OUR PETS. THAT'S WHY I SAT DOWN WITH
ANIMAL BEHAVIOR EXPERT, PATRICIA RUSSELL. DOG. CAT. FISH. SOME SORT OF… GERBIL… HAMSTER THING. -THAT'S A GUINEA PIG. -THE POINT IS, WHAT DO THEY
ALL HAVE IN COMMON? -THEY'RE ALL ANIMALS? -THEY'RE ALL LIARS! TRUE OR FALSE, WHEN PEOPLE ARE AWAY, ANIMALS ARE SNEAKING
OUT OF THE HOUSE, MEETING UP, AND HAVING
CONVERSATIONS IN ENGLISH.

-FALSE. -INCORRECT! THERE'S SUBSTANTIAL EVIDENCE
THAT SUGGEST THAT DOGS ARE HAVING SECRET PARTIES
WHEN NOBODY'S WATCHING. -THERE IS NO EVIDENCE OF THAT. -THEN WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS? -THAT'S A PAINTING. -OH MY GOD. IT WAS CLEAR, MS. RUSSELL HAD BEEN
COMPROMISED. SHE WAS WORKING ON THE
BEHALF OF ANIMALS TO PERPETUATE THEIR AGENDA. NO HUMANS UNDERSTOOD
WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

AND NO PETS WOULD
TALK TO A HUMAN. AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED, IF I WAS EVER GOING TO UNCOVER THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS, I HAD TO BECOME A PET! MEOW! MEOW. SO WHAT'S THE PLAN? WHAT'S THE PLAN? YEAH, WHAT? THERE'S NO HUMANS AROUND! NO, YOU CAN USE YOUR
REGULAR WORDS NOW, USE ENGLISH! THERE'S NO ONE ELSE AROUND! I'M JUST A REGULAR PET. PERHAPS I CAME ON TOO STRONG. IT WAS TIME TO TRY A MORE
CASUAL APPROACH. ALRIGHT BOYS, WHAT ARE WE
PLAYING HERE? HOLD 'EM, STUD, OMAHA, WHAT'S YOUR GAME? THE ANTE'S THREE DOG BISCUITS,
LET'S GO.

GAME IS HOLD 'EM. TURN 'EM AND BURN 'EM, TURN 'EM AND BURN 'EM,
TURN 'EM AND BURN 'EM. ALIRGHT, I GUESS HE FOLDED. WHO WAS I KIDDING? IT WAS CLEAR MY COSTUME
HADN'T FOOLED ANYONE. AND I WAS STARTING TO CREEP OUT
THE DOGGY DAY CARE STAFF. I'D REACHED A DEAD END. BUT THAT'S JOURNALISM FOR YOU. SOMETIMES YOU ASK THE QUESTION
THAT CAN'T BE ANSWERED. PERHAPS ONE DAY WE'LL KNOW
THE TRUTH BEHIND THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS, BUT SADLY, TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY. GOTCHA! SORRY IT WAS, IT WAS WORTH A SHOT. -BEHAVE YOURSELVES, BOYS. ♪♪♪ -BUCKLE UP, EVERYONE!.

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