♪ Learning with Pibby,
learning is so fun ♪ ♪ We like to spell,
and we love to hug ♪ ♪ Learning with — ♪
[ Screaming ] W-What's happening? Um, it's
a learning opportunity. Aah! Run! Steve,
I just got a weird e-mail. Did you buy us
Aw, shoot. It was supposed
to be a surprise. I wanted
to thank you for letting me live here
all this time, so I'm treating the family
to a vacation! Steve,
you're so sweet. Thanks, Uncle Steve!
Best Uncle Ever. Look out,
world. The Smith family
is going to Paris! Summer:
Yeah! Awesome! Rick, I don't like glowing rocks
in the kitchen trash! Well,
I don't like your unemployed genes
in my grandchildren, Jerry, but life is made
of little concessions.
you know what? You're gonna land
on your feet, Jer. Some company out there's
gonna thank their lucky stars they hired
my little brother. Who the [bleep]
My goofy brother,
Steve. [ Chuckles ] He's been
living here almost a year now. Are you
losing your mind? Hey,
someone's been spending too much time
around glowing rocks. Am I right?
[ Laughter ] [ Screaming ] Oh, my God!
Call an ambulance! Jerry: Oh, God! Steve!
What the hell, Rick?!
What the hell?! Will everybody just relax
for a second? There's no such thing
as an "Uncle Steve." That is
an alien parasite.
[ Screeches ] [ Both gasp ] But I've known him
my whole life. No, you haven't,
Jerry. These telepathic
little bastards, they embed themselves
in memories, and th-then they use those
to multiply and spread out,
take over planets. It's —
It's disgusting. Steve wasn't real? He's a real
piece of shit. This is a big one.
Somebody probably tracked it in last week
on the bottom of their shoe on a piece of alien fruit.
Get off the high road,
Summer. We all
got pink eye because you won't stop texting
on the toilet. But Uncle Steve taught me
how to ride a bike! No, "Steve" put that memory
in your brain so he could live in your house,
eat your food, and multiply. We could be infested
with these things. [ Belches ]
So we got to keep an eye out for any zany, wacky characters
that pop up.
Ooh, whee! Whatever you want, Rick!
We're here to help! Thanks,
Mr. Poopybutthole. I always could
count on you. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ Alright. There's six of us,
and that's it. Me, Morty, Jerry, Beth,
Mr. Poopybutthole, and Summer. Maybe you got the first one
in time, Rick! Can't afford
to chance it.
[ Beep ] Dad, why does our house
have blast shields? Trust me, Beth,
you don't want to know how many answers
that question has. Ooh, gosh,
it feels claustrophobic! Reminds me
of that time we all got stuck
in the elevator together.
Y– remember that?
After "The Hulk" musical? [ Grunting ]
[ Muzak playing ] Jerry, buttons don't work better
if you hit them harder, and foam fists
don't make you strong. I know.
Friends make you strong. I watched
the same musical you did. Why couldn't I bring
my portal gun? [ Winces ] Why did all the drinks
have to be extra large? Oh, the Hulk.
I just got that. Just pee your pants. I did it
the minute we got stuck. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah,
shame me. At least when I'm disgusting,
it's on purpose. Oh, y'all,
we're gonna be fine. I've always been here for
you guys, and I always will be. [ Chuckles ]
Somebody call for repairs? All:
Yay! Cousin Nicky! It's me,
I'm walkin' here!
I mean, I'm not. I'm crouched
in the elevator shaft, but hey,
I'm walkin' here! [ Laughter ] It's true. We really do get into some
crazy situations as a family, mostly when
we're cooped up like this. Hey, maybe Mr. Poopypants
is right. L-Let's get
some fresh air. Come on, Cousin Nicky.
You heard Rick. We have to
stay quarantined until we know that there's
no more of these things. I hear you,
Morty. Back in Brooklyn,
we got a sayin' — "We're walkin' here!"
[ Laughter ] Nicky, get — Oh!
[ Gasps ] [ Groaning ]
What the…? Cousin Nicky
was a parasite?! Six, Morty! There's supposed to
be six of us! If there's seven, then
that means somebody's not real.
But how did you know
it was Nicky? I guessed. That's why I aimed
for his shoulder. So we can't trust
any of our memories now? Nicky was the reason we found
that old Nazi submarine. Did that
not even happen? Well,
of course it happened. Now that I possess
the mighty staff of Rah-gubaba, the world will tremble
before the Fourth Reich! This is
the last time I ask you for help
on my history final, Rick. Hey, we got a word for Nazis
back in Brooklyn, pal. I'm comfortable being called
a Nazi. You think there's some other
word that will hurt my feelings? Yeah. Think before
you talk [bleep] Rah-gubaba,
help me kill America! All:
Mr. Beauregard! After due consideration,
I have elected not to retire.
Oh, thank God! Now, I believe someone
has a final exam to attend. Set a course
for Morty's high school. Perhaps I'm biased, but if
that story never happened, then I wouldn't still be
the family butler. [ Chuckles ]
Dare to dream. Wait. And if Mr. Beauregard
wasn't our butler, it's safe to say the family'd be
in a hell of a lot of trouble.
[ Laughter ]
Don't flashback! You're just gonna make
more swelling. Don't worry, Jerry.
Just relax. We called
the fire department. You know they won't
come here anymore. [ Grunting ] [ All gasp ] Marmalade is served. Yeah!
Yeah! [ Jerry laughs ]
Oh, whee! I guess I take back what I said
about British cuisine. [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ]
Summer! We're trying
to sleep. I don't want
to go to the dance alone. Then perhaps you shouldn't. Aww.
Mr. Beauregard. Shall we,
We shall. Oh, wait,
don't leave without letting Photography Raptor
take a picture. [ Raptor screeches ]
[ Camera shutter clicks ] [ Laughter ] Everybody
stop remembering! These parasites
are like bed bugs, and every flashback
is another mattress.
Look! There's only supposed to be
six people in this house. But there's always
been 10. No! Uh, the fact
that I wrote this number down means that
there's four parasites. You sure about that,
Rick? Begging your pardon,
Master Rick, but I seem to recall
a great deal of confusion surrounding
that number. Alright,
there's six of us. [ Belches ]
And that's it. Me, Morty, Jerry,
Beth, Mr. Poopybutthole, Frankenstein, Sleepy Gary,
Photography Raptor, Mr. Beauregard, and Summer. Uh, dad,
that's like 10 people. 6, 10,
what's the difference? I just love the number 6
for no reason! Where's my pencil at? Here, Rick!
Use me! Oh, thanks,
Pencilvester! Yeah, I-I g–
I guess that is what happened, but I-I don't get
why I would do that. Everybody makes mistakes,
Rick. Why do you think
I have one of these? [ Laughter,
camera shutter clicks ] That's it.
Photos. Hard evidence. You're not in any of my photos,
Mr. Poopybutthole. Well, what do you know
about this? You're not in
any of mine. All I have are pictures of me
and my friends from school. What? What teenage girl
has pictures of her family? It's not like we're Mormon
I will admit it's suspicious
that Summer's only friend is a magic ballerina lamb
that we've never seen. Summer! Tinkles! It's past my bedtime.
[ Giggles ] Not in
Never Past Bedtime Land! Here we go! ♪ Summer and Tinkles ♪ ♪ Friends with each other ♪ ♪ Living in
Never Past Bedtime Land ♪ ♪ No kitchen sinkles ♪ ♪ No little brother ♪ ♪ Going to raves
and waving our hands ♪ [ Rapping ] ♪ Summer and Tinkle,
friends to the end ♪ ♪ Group text the whole crew,
my mother… friends! ♪ ♪ Ketchup to the salt,
salt to the fry ♪ ♪ "T" to the "inkle"
with a capital "I" ♪ Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
we're trying to sleep. It was Tinkles! Tinkles? That is su– [belches] —
suspicious. We're always hearing about
this Tinkles character, but we never
get to —
Hi, everybody. I'm Tinkles,
and these are my friends. [ All sigh ] See, everyone?
Tinkles is real. That means so am I.
Man, I'm sorry,
Summer. I was on the wrong side
of the pitchfork on this one. Okay, look, we shouldn't need
evidence or logic to know who's family
and who isn't. I know
who the Smiths are. I've known Beth
since high school. And her husband,
Sleepy Gary, is hands down
my absolute best friend. Thanks, Jerry. Beyond that,
no offense to any of you, but all bets
Look, I'm not used to being
this unsure for this long. I'm just gonna aim for shoulders
starting with the weird girl. Aah! Grandpa Rick!
that is my daughter. Oh, yeah? Well, what if you just
think that, Sleepy Gary? I've known you for 15 years.
Don't make me hurt you. Rick, these are
our family and friends, the people
we barbecue with. Have you forgotten
the barbecue? Wait,
why would you want me to — you're one of them,
aren't you? Rick. You love
those barbecues, Rick. You love them.
Hai! Remember it,
Rick? Shut up, Hamurai!
Shut up, Amish Cyborg! What is this?
'90s Conan? All:
Remember the barbecue. Remember the barbecue. Remember the barbecue. [ Chatter ]
You know what, Pencilvester? It took me my whole life
to realize it, but I love barbecuing. You're good at it,
Watch me, baby.
I'm like Tom Cruise from,
um, "Cuisine" or w-whatever that movie's
called where he makes drinks. Yeah,
check me out. I'm like Tom Cruise
from "Cuisine." [ Chuckles ] Yeah. Is that what it's called?
Hey, everybody. Let's give it up
for the grillmaster Rick! Rick!
Rick! Rick! [ All chanting "Rick" ] Wait. [ Breathing heavily ] Noooooo! Shoot.
Now look. It's like
a "Where's Waldo?" Page. Can you find me? Check out
all these zany characters. We'll be right back
after these messages. I think
you should put down the gun and we should get you
to a doctor. What do you say we take down
these blast shields? All: Yeah.
I can't do that,
Sleepy Gary. Alright,
everybody listen to me. I don't know
if any of you guys are real, but this house has been infested
with fake loved ones that spread
through fake memories, and our planet will be destroyed
if they get out. [ Grunts ] But, Rick,
even you have to admit you do tend
to overreact to stuff. You guys,
we got to hurry. I just got back
from Walmart. They're selling Nintendo 3DS
systems for $149.99 on sale, plus every time you buy one,
you get a $50 gift card. Brings the total price down
to $110 after tax. Now, listen, we can flip
those sons of bitches for 230 bucks
apiece easy! They're all limited-edition
"Zelda" ones. Hurry! Hurry!
Come with me! We can be rich,
and we also all get to keep one and we can play
Nintendo games! Nintendo,
give me free stuff.
Okay, yes, I definitely
remember doing that, but also,
I would never do that. Don't overreact,
Rick. Sleepy Gary,
Sure, Jerry. Rick, keep a level head,
okay? 'Cause I'll tell you a secret
about Frankenstein — he's actually
Frankenstein's monster. Sleepy Gary,
m-my head is filled with memories
of our friendship. I'm convinced
that you're Beth's husband and I'm your friend, but if those memories
can't be trusted, then… Jerry,
just say it. Sleepy Gary,
how do we know I'm real? Jesus, Jerry. No,
you're real. Hey,
look at me. Now, I don't know
which way is up out there, but I know us,
and you're real, Jerry. Remember our vacation? They're filming that new "Star
Wars" movie down the coast. Should we
check it out?
Sure. Why not? Maybe we'll see
I'd like that. [ Moaning ] What are we doing? ♪♪ I don't give a damn
what else happens out there. You and I
are going to survive this. Okay. Hey,
we agreed. Never
in the house. That's a cool watch there,
Rick. Can I
check it out? Uh, no thank —
[ Grunts ] Okay. Trying
to figure out how to lower
the blast shields, huh? Anybody here
think it's suspicious that a lot of people in here
can't wait to get out of here? Ah, you're paranoid, Rick.
You've been paranoid since 'Nam.
what are you gonna do when you rotate back
to the world, Frankenstein? Shi-i-i-i-t.
I'mma bust a — [ Grunts ] No!
Get out of my head, parasite! No!
Drop it. Give me the gun,
Frankenstein! [ Indistinct shouting ] Give it back! Yeah!
[ Applause ] Frankenstein! [ Breathing heavily ]
Is anyone here even real? Am I the only real person
on Earth?! Reverse Giraffe:
Maybe. Or maybe, just maybe,
we're all real. You know me.
I'm Reverse Giraffe. I have a short neck
and legs. I went to college
Hai! I saved ghost in a jar's life
how many times have I been a shoulder
for you to cry on? [ Sighs ]
Too many. Okay,
so maybe we're just all fake. That don't make
no sense! Or maybe there's only one
deceiver here — the person
that keeps telling us the path to salvation
is being held prisoner and mistrusting
each other. Hey,
don't blame me! I tried to shoot Summer
10 minutes ago! I know we all have
beloved memories of Rick, but are we really
supposed to believe that a mad scientist inventor
with a flying car just showed up on our doorstep
after being gone for years? Yeah, you know,
he does have a lot of really weird,
made-up sounding catchphrases. Wubba lubba dub dub! Ricky Ticky Tavi,
beyotch! And that's the wa-a-a-a-y
the news goes. Hit the sack,
Somersault jump. AIDS! And that's why I always say
shum shum shlippedy dop! Grassss tastes bad-ah. No jumpin'
in the sewer. Burger time! Rubber baby
baby bunkers! Lick, lick,
lick my balls! [ Laughs ] Yeah! Say that all the time.
[ All muttering ] That's a fake-ass catchphrase
right there. Yeah, don't forget
his incredibly vague back story. Beth,
I'm your father! Oh, are you, Dad?
Are you? Rick, if you want
to prove you're real, just do what any of the rest
of us would do and — and — and open
the blast shields and let us
the hell out of here! Why don't you make me,
implausibly naive pubescent boy with an old Jewish
comedy writer's name? Ooh!
In your face! Give me the gun.
I'm not doing this
in front of Pencilvester. Bring him
to the garage. [ All cheering ] You listen to me, you
son of a bitch parasite scum. We could either do this
the easy way or the hard way. You know, y-y-y–
do you want to live? Then open
the blast shield doors. Shut up, Morty,
you brainwashed, little turd that might not even be real
because I'm brainwashed, too. You know, Rick,
this isn't easy for us. You know, w-we all remember you
as a… ♪♪ Oh, oh, oh,
really? Well, I remember you as a whiny,
little piece of shit, Morty! Oh — oh, yeah?
Yeah! I've got
about a thousand memories of your dumb, little ass and
about six of them are pleasant. The rest
is annoying garbage. So why don't you do us both
a favor and pull the trigger? Do it!
Do it, mother[bleep] pull
the [bleep] trigger! [ Screeches ]
was a parasite? He set me up
with my wife. [ Screeches ]
What the hell? I figured it out,
Rick! The parasites can only create
pleasant memories. I know
you're real because I have a ton
of bad memories with you! ♪ These memories that we have ♪ ♪ These memories
that we cherish ♪ ♪ I wish that we can go back
to that time ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ Holy crap, Morty,
you're right. Is — is — isn't that what
you were trying to make me
understand by yelling at me? Well, yeah,
duh-doy. T-Took you
long enough. [ Whirring ] Rick:
Now let's go, Morty. We got a lot of friends
and family to exterminate. [ Grunts ]
[ Screaming ] Everybody remain calm! This is
gonna take some explaining. We need to kill everyone that
we can only remember fondly. Who's got a bad memory
about Mrs. Refrigerator? I-I-I-I — everyone has
bad memories of me. You remember
that one time? [ Screaming ] Ooh, man,
we couldn't stop screaming.
Uh, roller coasters aren't bad,
Mrs. Refrigerator. They're thrilling. And you've been a perfect
companion to me my entire life. The jig is up! [ Whimpering ]
Get me out of here. Get me out of here! Aah! [ Screeching ] [ All gasping ]
Oh, shit! Everybody back!
If you're not a parasite, you have nothing to fear.
So what about Summer? Why am I
always your go-to? [ Grunts ]
[ Whimpers ] Never go
in my room again.
I didn't! She's real. She's my bitch
of a sister. Nice. ♪♪ Mom,
are you driving me to — Hmm?
Yeah, yeah, yes. What time? Oh, my God.
Are you drunk? [ Belches ]
What are you? My wife coach?
Your what? Oh! God!
Oh. Oh, my gosh. Oh! God! Mom!
Sweetheart, are you okay? I didn't mean to —
I'm gonna have a bruise!
It's picture day! It's not — don't overreact.
I can clean it up.
[ Sobs ]
I want the police to take me! Morty,
give a gun to the lady that got pregnant with me
too early and constantly makes it
our problem. Thank you,
sweetie. Beth, Beth, please!
it was too good to be true that we'd have
compatible kidneys. [ Screeches ] [ Guns cock ] [ Screaming ] [ Blasting ] [ Screeching ] Come on,
man. Haven't we ever had
an uncomfortable silence or an awkward fart
on a road trip? Come on, Pencilvester.
Give me anything. Rick,
I'm Pencilvester. Listen to that name.
You can't kill me. You're right.
Kill Pencilvester. [ Screeches ] [ Screeches ] [ Screeching ] [ Tinkle! ] Summer,
I've always loved you! Yep.
[ Screeches ] [ All gasp ] [ Screeching ] [ Shouts ] Oh, my God!
I-I-I thought you went
to a concert! We forgot the tickets!
Why in the kitchen?! I do it everywhere!
Stop shaming me! You're not
the victim here! I hate you, and I was thinking
about your friend Grace! Aaaaaah! [ Screeching ] Ah. Master Rick. Remember when you weren't
going to shoot me? [ Screeches ] I guess I did the butler!
Ha ha! Does —
D-Does that scan? Oh,
I-I get it. It's a play
on "the butler did it." Thanks,
Ghost in a Jar. You always were good at pointing
out potentially obscure comedy. [ Screeches ] [ Screeches ] You got to hide me,
Sleepy Gary. Don't worry.
I have a plan. If we can get to my boat,
there's a — [ Screeches ] No. No! Just send me to Gary.
I want to be with Gary. Oh, God.
[ Whimpering ] Whoa.
What the hell? Look out
for that homeless guy! Open the door!
Open the door!
Open the door! There isn't time!
Just run! [ Grunts ]
Get out here and help me! They say you shouldn't do that!
Just run! Ugh.
You're real. [ Crying ]
I'm a parasite! Yeah,
but you're real. Uh, uh, I need time
to forget about Sleepy Gary. Me, too. [ Whirring ] Rick: From now on,
let's all be careful to wash our hands when
we get back from outer space. That goes
for everyone. This is depressing. We killed every good person
in the house. We're what's left?
What a family. At least we're real,
Jerry. We're real.
Ricky Ticky Tavi! Ooh, whee!
Amen to that. Now, this little poopypants
is hungry. Will somebody
pass me a pork chop? [ Chomping ] Huh. I-Is — Is something wrong,
Beth? Ow! [ Screams ]
Oh, my God! Rick: No, Beth!
Oh [bleep] Wait, but I — Oh, Beth! Why?!
I need an ambulance! There's been a shooting.
My wife shot… Uh, my — my wife shot
a long-time family friend.
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, Mr. Poopybutthole. I-I thought —
Keep breathing! Oh, God.
Look at me! Look at me!
Don't — don't fall asleep! Is — Is this what
bleeding to death is? Oh, whee.
Is this how I die? Oh, geez!
Oh, my God! Why would you
do this? Beth. It's not
supposed to hurt. I-I thought…
[ Siren wails ] Ooh, whee. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ So you think it's just
a scary episode? Yeah, maybe it's
a Halloween special. Oh. Happy Halloween! Oh, he — he's looking
a lot better. Rick: Listen, Beth,
don't torture yourself. I made a similar mistake
years ago, but, you know,
on a planetary scale. Is, um,
is he mad at me? He's not
pressing charges. I mean, that's got to be
the "you shot me" equivalent of not
being mad. Can he
have visitors? He'd like
to be alone.
He told me
to tell you he's sorry you didn't have bad memories
of him? If you love him,
you should leave. [ Door closes ] And that's the wa-a-a-a-y
the news goes. [ Screaming ] Man:
Did you get any of that? Man: It's-a good show-a. Narrator: Our story begins
on Christmas Eve at a humble little charity
called Smiling Friends. Here works a group
of gleeful critters dedicated to making the world
a better place. They were all
in the holiday spirit. That is, except
for one nasty, yellow one. Charlie, can you help me
hang these lights up? Uh, yeah,
just give me one sec, man. Oh, come on,
let's spice up the office with these
Dude, what difference
does it make? We get off work
in, like, five minutes. Hey, boys,
before you scurry out of here, I got a last-minute job
for you. The job is for me, your favorite character,
The Boss. I just need a Christmas tree
for the office. Ha ha. That sounds marvelous.
A Christmas adventure! Come on, seriously?
It's Christmas Eve, man. I was just about
to go home. It'll be fun, Charlie.
One last job to end the year. Oh, this is gonna be great. I can't wait to find the perfect
Christmas tree. Which one do you guys
wanna get? There's —
Oh, there's a bunch. Yeah. Look, look, uh,
let's just make it quick. I really don't want
to be here all night. What's up with you today,
Charlie? Huh? What —
What are you talking about? I don't know.
You just — I don't know. It seems like
you're agitated or something. I'm not —
I'm not agitated, Pim. I just don't want to be
working on Christmas Eve. And I think that's a pretty
reasonable position to have. When you're in this mood,
I don't know if you realize, but it actually affects
everyone else's mood. It — it brings us down
a bit. Wait. Hold on. Hold —
No, no. It affects you.
Nobody else — Alan, are you affected
by whatever — whatever is supposed
to be happening? I don't really care.
Are you affected? I just want
to find a tree. Okay. So in other words,
he's not affected. See, Pim,
here's the thing — just because you are,
you know, very positive and cheery
about everything, does not mean everyone else
has to conform to that.
I'm just saying, it seems like
you're often in this mood, like, it's not just
a one-off thing. It seems like
you're often like this. What do you mean? What is that —
What is that supposed to mean? Well, it was the same
with Desmond, wasn't it? I had to get you motivated
for that. Okay. Okay.
Charlie, you didn't want
to do that job, and I had to get you motivated,
like I often have to do.
Okay. Yeah, really, bringing stuff up
from how many months ago? Also, dude, that's a weird thing
to bring up specifically, because that was one
of the instances where you were not
in the best mood. So the fact
that you're roping me… Charlie, I'm just
bringing stuff up, and it's not just Desmond.
Oh. It's — it's every job we do.
You never want to do anything.
It sometimes just
gets a bit exhausting. That's all I'm saying. You know, I could do
the same thing back to you. I could throw stuff
at you… Okay, say it.
Tell me. I'd love to say what people
are saying about me. Okay, how about this tree?
Yeah, it's fine. Let's just do it.
It looks fine to me. Alright. Pim, do you want
to chop it down? Yeah, sure.
No, no, you know what? Let me do it. I'll do it.
I'll do it. I'll do it. Careful, Charlie.
Pim, I'm just helping out,
right? Something that I never do,
according to you, right? Oh, is this — is this putting
anyone in a bad mood, huh? Is this putting anyone
in a bad mood? [ Explosion ] [ Thunder crashes ] ♪♪ [ Groaning ] Welcome to H-e-
double hockey sticks! I am your master now.
your Hell mattress. There is your Hell toilet. And this is Jeremy, your only form
of Hellish entertainment. Blblblbblblblblblbll!
Dude, if you do that again, I'm gonna punch you,
I'm not kidding. Well, you're gonna be here
forever, Charlie, so get used to it!
Blaaahhh! Uh, I thought
this was Hell. Where's the actual fire? Alright. Alright,
you've worn me down. This place isn't
what it used to be. To be honest, Satan's been
down in the dumps lately, and he hasn't been
managing things well here. As a result,
Hell's literally frozen over. Down in the dumps? Wait, I-I think
I could actually help him. That's, like, what I do.
I'm a smiling friend. But if you try to leave, I'll pierce you
with my evil pitchfork. Nah! That's made out
of cardboard, man.
You know what? I put a lot of work
into this thing. Just — just leave. I actually don't want
you here now. Just — just get out of h–
Get out of here. Go away. [ Crying ] Go away. [ Sniffles, crying continues ] ♪♪ [ Sighs ] Alright. Now I just need to find
the devil. Oh,
my beautiful grandson. Grandma,
what are you doing here? Oh, I cursed and said
"Damn!" in 1958 when I saw your grandfather
being shot in the head by that rotten burglar. That seems a little bit
unreasonable. I don't think you should be
in Hell for that. Uh, Grandma,
you wouldn't happen to know where I could
find Satan, would you? Oh, of course.
Just go down that scary hole
right there. You'll find him at the bottom
circle of Hell. Oh, sweet.
Thanks, Grandma. Oh, you should have
a scrumptious piece of hard candy
for the journey, Charlie. Here you go. Oh, no, thank you, Grandma.
I'm fine. Thank you, though. More for me.
[ Laughs ] ♪ Well, it's Christmas
in H-e-double-l ♪ Aaahh! ♪ Yeah, the damned
and the demons ♪ ♪ Are ringing
those kingdom bells ♪ ♪ Take a bit of misery
and hang it upon the tree ♪ ♪ 'Cause down here ♪ ♪ The holidays
lasts for eternity ♪ ♪♪ ♪ There's all kinds
of aggravation ♪ ♪ There's a thousand nights
of never-ending pain ♪ ♪ There's no better destination
for an excellent celebration ♪ ♪ H-e-double-l ♪ [ Wind whistling ] [ Sighs ] Okay.
I'm almost there. I think the biggest surprises
are behind me. Blblblbblblblblblbll! [ Groaning ] Dude, I warned you. I said I was gonna do that
if you did that again. [ Groaning continues ] [ Howling ] [ Growling ] You're never leaving! This is your final
resting place. Time's up, Charlie. I'm sorry. I couldn't
think of anything to say.
Nah, there's no pressure, man.
It's all good. You didn't have to —
You didn't have to say anything. Alright. Here I go. Devil: [ Demonic voice ]
What is your business? Uh…to make you smile. ♪♪ [ Human voice ]
What's up? Not much, dude. So I heard that
you were having some trouble managing Hell
or something like that. Uh, so what's going on? Uh, yeah, I don't know. It's just becoming
too much damn work. You know? Look,
I've got 100 e-mails piling up
in my G-mail account. There's a bunch of, like, bullshit paperwork
I've got to do, which
I've been putting off. And, you know,
on top of all of it, the worst thing is,
you know, I don't get paid
until the end of my job, which is eternity,
it's forever, so it's eternity. So I just don't even
care anymore. I just don't care anymore. I know it might seem
a little bit silly, but I think I could help
cheer you up and get Hell
back to normal.
I really wasn't ready
to die yet. I was thinking that
if I succeeded, you could send me back
to Earth. Alright. Deal. Okay, well, I guess
off the top of my head, have you tried, uh —
I'm sorry. One second. Yeah, it's unlocked.
You can come in. Just right over — Yeah, right over there.
That's fine. Yep. I didn't know if it were this
place or the one nex– I think it's just
something to do with the way the address
shows up in the app. You know, it's not a problem.
Don't even worry about it. Okay. Yeah.
I just, uh…
I just need to take a picture
of the food really quickly. Yeah. Yeah.
No, all good. [ Camera shutter clicks ] Okay, thank you, sir. Yeah, thanks.
Good night. You have a good one.
Happy Holidays. Merry Christmas. I hope they didn't forget
the straw again. They always do.
And they did. Great, great. They forgot it. Cool.
Just what I wanted. Exactly — exactly what
I wanted, actually. Cool. Sorry. You were
saying something? No, no, it's —
Yeah, whatever. Uh, anyways,
as I was saying, it seems like you're
unmotivated to do things because you're stuck
in a loop of short-term
dopamine rushes. Why don't you just try to start
small at first, like, like,
eating healthier or something? Are you seriously
criticizing me? No, no, no, not at all.
I'm just trying to help, man. You put me in a worse mood
that I was in earlier.
[ Inhales deeply ] [ Exhales ] Oh [bleep] Alright, see, like right there.
That's a good example. You're avoiding the situation by
taking a hit of that vape pen. [ Demonic voice ] Enough! I'm not addicted! I could quit my addictive vices
any time I want! [ Creatures
speaking indistinctly ] Wait! No! No!
No! No! No!
Ah ha! [ Small devils giggling ] Ha ha!
It gives me great joy to see a pathetic thing
like you being tortured. Wait, wait,
you're happy. Seeing me get horribly tortured
made you smile. [ Human voice ] Oh, well,
I guess you're right. Oh, sweet. So you're gonna
let me go, right? Huh. No. You pissed me
the freak off, dude. I'm still gonna torture you
forever, man. Forever, man. No. What?
No, that is not fair. Man: A deal's a deal! Quickly, Charlie, get on. Blast! Foiled again! You passed my test,
Charlie. By helping
the evil devil, you confronted
your own problems. I hope you learn
from this cool experience. Merry Christmas! We gather here to celebrate
the life of Charlie Dompler, a noble critter who loved
to live, laugh and love.
I understand his boss is here and would like to say
a few words. Charlie, what does it mean,
Charlie? You were my everything.
World's [bleep] up, man. Charlie, am I losing
my goddamn mind? If it's gone,
where will I find…it? [ Feedback screeches ] Thank you for those
beautiful words, Mr. Boss. Now, finally, we bid farewell
to the dearly departed as he is laid to rest. It's a Christmas miracle. Charlie,
how is this possible? Look,
I could barely explain the nutty adventure
I just went on. So I'm not going to.
I don't — I don't wanna talk about it.
I've seen the devil. Oh, Charlie, I'm sorry
we had that nasty argument.
I'm completely naked. Be careful where
your hand goes, dude. Narrator: And so that is how
Charlie got his groove back. The end. That was a wonderful story,
Grandfather Glep. But did all of that
really happen? Yep.
Hell is actually real, and Christianity
was right all along. Sorry.
Oh. Merry Christmas, everyone. ♪♪ ♪♪ Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
it's "The Eric Andre Show"! ♪♪ [ Screaming ] [ Yelling ] ♪♪ [ Yelling ] ♪♪ [ Yelling ] ♪♪ Oh, I'm gonna squirt! I'm gonna squirt! [ Yelling ] Yeah! Get him! ♪♪ [ Panting ] [ Applause ] What's up?
What's up, man? ♪♪ So, they just, uh — they — they just fired the voice of
Elmo from "Sesame Street." Did you hear about that?
Big controversy. Yeah. Yeah, he was touching kids. That's messed up. Yeah. In the pants. Yeah. That's disgusting.
Grabbing their twigs. You've already ruined whatever
momentum your joke had, so… Right?
…just have a go. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Uh, so everybody's talking about
climate change nowadays, right? Pretty interesting stuff. Yeah.
Speaking of climate change,
when is Hannibal Buress gonna start thinking about
some underwear change? Am I right, ladies? [ Cheers and applause ] [ Gunshots ] [ Echoing ]
Who killed Hannibal? [ "Twin peaks" style
theme music plays ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Snoring ] I have a secret. [ Dramatic music plays ] Hey. You guys are watching
"Bird Up!," the worst show
on television. [ Squawks ] Superman, come on in. What's your favorite —
what's your favorite movie? No, no, don't pull
my shirt up.
What's my favorite movie? Talk to me like
I'm Osama bin Laden. Come on, dude.
Don't do that. No, no.
They won't even see me. It'll just look like your
shirt's lifting up. All right, talk to me like
I'm Osama bin Laden. I don't want my shirt
lifted up. Yeah. Yeah. "Bird up!" Hey. What's up, man? Ignore me.
I'm not even here. I'm gonna [bleep] "Bird up!" Come talk to me, man. You're a mother[bleep] "Bird up!" Come on in.
Just put this hat on,
and we're gonna use… Uh-oh. oh. …Morph technol– [ slowed down ]
Oh. Oh. Oh. They won't even see me. "Bird up!" They won't even
see me. "Bird up!" All right. [ Water splashes ] Ladies and gentlemen,
my next guest is the king of
the game show. Please welcome
Wink Martindale. ♪♪ You look incredible. -Yes.
-All right. Rambo in the house. Whoo! I want to —
how do you get so strong? What are your —
what are your tips? Are you
drinking juice? [ Sighs ] You look 21 years young. Thank you very much.
I appreciate it. I'll take any compliments
I can get. [ Laughter ] It says here you started out before they called them
"disc jockeys." It's me,
Pretty Blue bottoms. What if, like, you went up
to the pearly gates, and Jesus was there,
but L. Ron Hubbard was there, too, and they both
had a hand extended? Whose hand
would you shake? Uh-huh. What's, uh — what's your
favorite Three 6 Mafia song? Three 6 Mafia song?
My favorite? -Yeah.
-Whoa! [ Cheers and applause ] Get away. Free toothpaste.
Free toothpaste. Hey, get some toothpaste. Get some toothpaste. Thank you. Ugh. [ Groaning ] Oh, God. Ugh.
I ate too many bad clams.
Ugh. Ohh, God. It's all coming out now. Does anybody have
a wet wipe? [ Distorted ] Wet wipe. [ Normal voice ]
Don't look at me! I have intestinal worms. [ Distorted ]
Intestinal worms. [ Normal voice ]
I [bleep] hate myself! I'm a loser!
I'm a loser! Free toothpaste. Free toothp– Don't look at me! [ Yells ] One dead child's tooth
in every tube of toothpaste. [ Yelling ] And we are back
with Wink. Sorry, Cathy. [ Chuckles ] [ Laughter, applause ] You want to teach the kids
their ABCs in Jamaica? Sure. ♪♪ ♪ ABC where the sun shines ♪ ♪ ABC where
the palm trees grow ♪ ♪ Welcome to the islands, man ♪ ♪ I'm feeling higher ♪ ♪ Q-R-S-T-U-V ♪ ♪ Come and sing it ♪ ♪ Come and sing it ♪ [ Laughs ]
That was great. [ Applause ] I've got something
I want to sell you. It's called "Scoap." It's original mint.
It's mouthwash. And it's the only mouthwash
that you can actually drink. [ Gulping ] Ooh, that's good. Scoap — try it. ♪ Scoap — try it ♪ [ Gulping ] Eric:
Excuse me. I think I hurt my head. -Do you need an ambulance?
-Where — where am I right now? New York City.
Let's call an ambulance. I don't need
any help. You got a pretty bad gash,
there, buddy. -I feel like sh–
-You got a concussion. [ Groans ] I jumped off
the building. Woman:
Why did you do that? I thought it was cool. No, no. I just need to
walk it off. Man: I got to get a picture
with you, bro. I got to get a picture
Is that cool?
-Yeah. [ Distorted ] I got to get
a picture with you, bro. And we are back. Yep. Um… I was doing some thinking. We got Black History Month. There should be
a White History Month, so we could think about
people like Tom Arnold, and Jim Gaffigan, Steve Nash,
that dude from "Justified." Hi. So, you're telling me you
think there should be
a White History Month? -Anne Hathaway.
-Oh, hey. -Hey.
-Hi. Please welcome
Sarah Burns. [ Applause ] ♪♪ ♪♪ So, you were in
"Enlightened"? I was. Yes.,
I was in "Enlightened." What was that about? I'm starving.
Can we get some food, please? [ Clears throat ] A little respect
for Sarah burns? Sarah: Thank you.
People need a major attitude
adjustment around here. -Holy cow.
-Yeah. -I love cheese.
-You want some red? Yeah.
It's — thank you. You're welcome. -Here. You want some red?
-Yeah. Yeah, have some red, man. [ Slurping ] What do you —
What else do you want? This is how we do it
all the time. [ Gulping ] I don't want
any more grapes. You don't want
any more grapes? You sure? I'm good.
Just eat it. [ Crab leg cracks ]
Ow! I feel weird. You feel weird? Don't.
It's fine. It's fine. You deserve it. Thanks. You're a beautiful woman. Have you ever had a —
Have you ever had a STD? Sarah: Yeah. For a little while, I was like,
"Oh, this sucks." But then, I just kind of
And I feel great.
I don't give a [bleep]. Really? I don't give a [bleep]
Are you serious? [Bleep] it.
I don't care. [Bleep] it. I don't… Hey, you guys are watching
"Bird Up!" [ Squawks ] What do you think
about me? Oh, you handsome. You got some poppy seed
in your mouth. Oh, boy. [ Chuckles ] [ Chuckles ] Yeah, they won't even
see me. All right, now, talk to the bird
like that. [ Mumbling ] ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ Two fingers! ♪ Yah boobay, yah boobay ♪ Yah boobay! [ Squawks ] Yo.
It's Fredro starr. About to get some novocaine
right now. Huh?
-Yeah. Our final guest
of the evening has just come here straight from
the dentist. Please welcome
Fredro Starr! ♪♪ [ Thickly ] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Rapping indistinctly ] Say, "hell, yeah." Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. Ooh. That was great.
That was excellent. [ Chuckling ]
Fredro Starr, everybody. [ Rhythmic drumming ] Uh-uh-uh, ooh. Welcome to paradise. Now, leave all your worries and
other TV shows behind, baby. It's time "Aqua TV Show Show." Frylock: "Aqua TV show show." Shake: "Aqua TV Show Show." Meatwad: "Aqua TV Show Show." I said "Aqua TV Show Show." Frylock: "Aqua TV Show Show." Shake: "Aqua TV Show Show." Meatwad: "Aqua TV Show Show." ♪ I said Master Shake, Frylock,
my little homey Meatwad ♪ ♪ load us on the beats, yeah,
we heavy in the streets ♪ ♪ Got the whole planet in the
palm of our hands, though ♪ ♪ So get pumped up for
the "Aqua TV –" ♪ [ Evil laughter ] [ Tires screech ] Good Lord, Shake.
Look at your
blood pressure, man. It's astronomical.
Awesome! I told you I was good, son,
and now my blood proves it. It's bad, Shake.
It's off the charts. You're just jealous of
my live-fast lifestyle. 'Cause I got it all, baby.
And you can suck it. Not for long, man.
Yes, my friend. For a very long time. If both my hands were not
tingling and not responding to my brain impulses right now,
I would shove you so hard for stepping to me
like this. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Your hands are tingling? And so is my face. You see how my left eye is
drooping with rage? [ Slurred ]
Don't press my buttons! Meatwad, call 911! [ Cow moos ] Okay, the cow's on his
way with the chicken. [ Chicken clucks ] [ Dolphin chatters ]
And look here. He bringin' a dolphin. [ Groans ] What happened? It's okay. It's okay, Shake.
Just relax. Lean back. You collapsed, man. I must've seen my reflection
and gone nuts. That's just how it
happens to women. Here. Get well soon. I brung you some flowers from
Carl's yard. And Carl sends
his wishes, too. He said he wished
you was dead, 'cause all this here
come from Carl's yard. Okay, look, Shake. They're gonna let you out of
here today, all right? But you need to start
exercising, and you need to
start changing your diet. Well, nobody exercises on
"Hawaii Five-O." I'm pretty sure
they surf sometimes. Unh-unh.
That's CG. And stop throwing
"Hawaii Five-O" in my face, okay?
That's a terrible argument. You're right.
It's time for me to stop relying on that
"Hawaii Five-O" crutch.
I got to make some changes. And I need to do it now. [ Creaking ] [ Panting ] [ Creaking ] [ Music blares ] [ Grunts ] [ Groaning ] Why would anyone do this? What are you exercising for?
You're just gonna die. Maybe not me, though.
I'm in good shape. How is this
so easy for you? Check this out. How the hell did you get
so buff and ripped, huh? I'm glad you asked.
Muscle beverages. Singapore muscle beverages. It's called "thump,"
'cause that's what you do to dudes after
you drink this. Comes in two flavors —
mango bitchslap and coconut what did
you say to me? And you don't have to do,
you know, anything? You don't go to the gym —
you don't do nothin'. You just pop it open
and chug it…
With vodka. You know, they taste bad.
You want to try one? You'd do that for me? Yeah, absolutely. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. $14 cash. I'm a thump distributor. Ah! Yeah, I'm feeling it!
Whoo-hoo. You want more, you let me know,
'cause no friggin' stores will take this. ♪ Amazing grace how sweet
the sound ♪ ♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪ Meatwad, how many times
have I told you to get off that treadmill? You're grossing
it all up, man. Yeah, I know.
This is a good workout song. Well, look who's back. That was
a mighty short run. No, it was a long run, but I'm back
quick because I did it fast. Nacho chips? "Nacho" business.
Yeah, I said it.
What? Now walk away. Walk away before
I make it your business. Well, at least the confidence
is back. I'm getting ripped,
aren't I? And you can't stand it. ♪ When we've been here
10,000 years ♪ Meatwad, stop. You're getting meat grease
all over the treads. I know.
It makes me sad, too. You harmonize with me. Aah! He said stop running
on his treadmill! [ Breathing deeply ] Damn. Uh…Shake? The words you're looking for
are "thank" and "you." Put them together.
They make a nice sound. You okay out there,
Meatwad? No, man.
He threw me through a damn wall. Ooh, he broke your treadmill. So I did.
Do something about it. No, no.
It's all right. Yeah, that's
what I thought. [ Crickets chirping ] [ Snoring ] [ Groaning ] What the [belches]
are you looking at? I'm looking at my, uh, shoes and now at this weird spot on
the floor. I definitely ain't
looking at you, sir.
Good, 'cause my ball
just went in. So did this one
and this one. And all of these
went in, right? Right? Right? E-E-Excellent shot. What'd you say to me?
Huh? I said you won.
What? You won.
What? You're very good.
What'd you say to me? And you should take
all of this money, and it's getting late,
and I should be going home. How about a free ride?
Oh, don't do that. Hyah!
What are you looking at? You see something you like?
What are you looking at? Aah! [ All screaming ] Oh! Shake? Shake? Wake — wake up, man.
[ Groans ] Oh, I slept so hard. Did you, uh,
go out last night? No, I didn't. Question me again,
and the sting will come fast. I'm — I'm just saying. There's this story
all over the news this morning about a white milkshake
with a pink straw beating the crap out of about
15 guys downtown. Well, that wasn't me. So these 15 wallets down here
aren't yours, either? No. Of course not.
This one's attached
to some jeans. I wouldn't be caught dead
in those jeans. And these jeans are attached
to a — a human pelvis. Look, Shake.
You know I trust you, man. And this doesn't
sound like you. So stop asking, or I'll ask
you to leave the room. And it'll be rhetorical,
friend, 'cause you'll already be three blocks away
with a caved-in head wearing your ass like
a dog collar! Yeah, how about you open
your ears, Frylock, and listen to my…
chest, which is talking? You listen, too, drink cup,
'cause I'm only gonna say this once. I'm running the show. And if you cross me,
I'll cross your legs in a direction they
ain't supposed to go! May I — may I ask,
please, who — who you are? I'm your muscles! You get one question,
and you used it. Next question! How — how did
you get there? I told you —
one question! But then you said,
"next question." The next time you
open your mouth, it'll be to show the dentist
what he's gonna be working on for the next six months.
[ Belches ] Teeth! Frylock. Will you please ask
my muscles a question? I used all my questions. I'd rather not.
Now I ask the questions. Um…where the [belches]
is my muscle beverage? And you better
say "close by." It's called "Thump,"
and, uh, Carl has some. He's, uh, an East coast
distributor, but he doesn't like it when we visit, but that's — Absolute– we'll
just go visit him. We'll just go, 'cause you really
seem intent on meeting him. Carl! Get your fat ass out here
with my muscle juice! Carl, you need to do everything
he says as fast as you can. Uh, hey!
Oh, no, no. Wait! Back away from
the home entertainment cen– I still got three more
payments on that plasma! Shut the word hole
in your face before I fill it with
angry diarrhea. I want all the rest of your
muscle drink right now! Here. I got a new — new —
new flavor — new flavor, blueberry butt-rape. Uh, uh, uh. 14… American dollars. Did I stutter? Oh! Shoot,
I don't have $14.
Um…do you have $14? Don't look at me.
I'm broke. Try these. It's, uh —
they're muscle mints. And I've got some vitamins,
and they're free, too. Here. Take them all. Give me all of them! [ Grunts ] Um, a little warning? What the hell
did you just do? They're muscle
relaxers, see? Oh, that's good.
I thought you were, like, trying to compete with
the muscle mints. A turf war ain't good for
business for neither of us. Hey. How about
a little help here? You won't be able to move
your muscles, Shake, but it's not gonna last very
long, so we need to work fast. Are you out of your mind? Listen, when he wakes up,
he's gonna kick all our asses. [ Scoffs ] Not me.
I'll be gone. So he'll probably take all his
frustrations out on you. And he'll be pissed. What you gonna do,
muscle man? It's all quite simple. Frylock is going to take
my brain and put it into the body of Jay-Z.
I can't do that. Wha– oh,
you don't know him? I knew him back when
he was J-Zimmerberg. Look, Shake, I have an idea,
but you might not like it. Just answer me this —
is it better than putting my brain inside
the body of Jay-Z? Uh, it's a little more
realistic than that. You're gonna put my brain
inside the body of… Schoolly D? Yeah, I could do that… for $10,000. A'ight. $500. So, this wooden time machine
will take me back to before the muscles
took over my body? Um…no. This is known as
a veal-fattening pen. So you get to hang out here
all day, and the muscles will
just melt away. Oh. And you can do this
all in one day? Well…a lot of days. Hey, turn on the lights,
or I'll turn on your head! I'll turn off your head! The lights will go out
in your head, 'cause you'll have
energy-saving balls. I don't have a good saying
here, but I'm pissed! We should go.
Wait, wait, wait! What's gonna entertain
me all day? Well, your neighbors
seem real nice. Come on!
They're freakin' cows! When I get a chance…
[ Cow moos ] Hey, Shake.
It's me, Meatwad. Ah, the bad muscles
are gone. You're free now, Shake. Shake?
Moo! Oh, no. He's turned. What does that mean? We're gonna get to bring him
home, ain't we? Meatwad, I think this
is gonna have to be his new home
from now on. Moooo! [ Voice breaking ]
See, here he can run and be free
with his own kind. But [sniffles]
he's our friend. [ Mooing ] [ Coyotes howling ] Well, yes and no.
He'll be happier this way. [ Mooing ] [ Coyotes growling ] Goodbye, Shake.
I'll never forget you. Don't look back, Meatwad.
Don't look back. He's gonna be okay.
You'll see. No, he ain't.
[ Mooing ] Ew, what's that
ripping noise? Like someone's just
tearing a nylon tent. Get in the car. ♪♪ ♪♪ [ Sirens wailing ] [ Telephone ringing ] For you. [ Gasps ]
What's this?! Just a little something
to commemorate your first week as C.E.O. Aww. Okay. I'm not a tube
of toothpaste. Mer, I can't believe it! I thought this was buried
with Daddy! It was.
[ Gasps ] Gross. I love it! Thank you! [ Electricity crackles ]
[ Clank ] Neodymium,
a rare-earth magnet. People will be impressed.
How impressed? Uh, I mean, you know… [ Electricity crackles ]
[ Clank ] So, ready to do this? Our first time paying
the employees together? I daresay I've never been
readier. It's payday, bitch! [ Gasps ]
I was talking to myself.
I wasn't calling you a —
Payday! Payday! -Hup!
-Hey, go! Whoop! -Hyah!
Hup! Whoa-dee-oh-dee oh-dee-oh! Yabada-doo-boo-boo! Whoo!
Shake. You got to be
[bleep] kiddin' me. I'm a senior executive
at this company. It's organic venison. Aw, God damn it. [ Electricity crackling ] [ Calypsis groaning ] [ Splat ] [ Sarcastically ] Oh, good,
Brian's back. [ Breathing heavily ] I saw things inside those toilet
pipes, Judy — horrific things,
wonderful things. Good thing I had
the GoPro. [ Music plays ]
[ Electricity crackles ] Your pen zapped my Pro! And you only worked half
a week, so giddyup. Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God. ♪ Who's the girl
that saves the world? ♪ ♪ Hey! ♪ [ Imitates fanfare ] Birdgirl! Oh, something else
to sign. I'll make space
right here. Nah, I can sign
that one solo. But if you have to sign
everything I sign, why don't I have to sign
everything you sign? I'm your backup so you don't
make any mistakes. Well, what if you
make a mistake? Why don't you
need backup? [ Chuckling ] Sorry. [ Laughing ] [ Laughing ] Okay. [ Chuckles ] [ Clears throat ]
I'm a mindtaker. I don't make mistakes.
so you're always…Judy-ing. What the [bleep]
does that mean?! [ Chuckles ]
Am I sensing some anger? No anger. [ Electricity crackles ]
[ Clang ] Nope. None.
Not one bit. [ Chuckling ] Hey, guys. As fourth-wave feminists,
how about we support each other, and commemorate said support
by signing this important financial document,
right here? He's right. And as a woman who
supports other women, I'd like to empower Judy
to chill the [bleep] out.
And I want to be a fierce
advocate of Meredith getting off
my jock. Man: Stop fighting! Both:
We're not fighting! And since we're not, maybe
I'll let you not cool down while I take some not space
to read that New Yorker article about a giant earthquake
that's going to — [clears throat] — decimate the
Pacific Northwest, or whatever. If I'm late on my court-ordered
restitution payments, I don't — -Everyone out, now!
-Yep. [ Basket contents rattling ] What is that? It's a congrasket from
some dude — another C.E.O. I wonder how he does it. I bet he starts
at the feet.
Um, can I get you something —
some hot tea — English breakfast, chamomile,
neem, oolong, po cha. Oh, whatever you think
is best, Gillian. Really and truly? Whatever I think is… What? …best? Can you leave now? Whatever I think is best. [ Gasps ] Best. Best. Hmm. Best. Best. Best.
B-E-S-T, best. Best. Best. Ugh, I can't believe Meredith,
thinking I need her help! Ugh! Everyone needs help. Aah!
Whee! What are you? I'm Share Bear. [ Electronic music plays ] It all spins. Will you be
my Share Mate, Judy? I cast you down
to the flames of — No! Let me explain.
I'm Share Bear,
your personal Thera-Bear. I can help you
with your problems. I'm listening. It sounds like you're
fighting with your best friend. Tickle me for "yes." Ugh, Meredith. Yes. You got to tickle me.
[ Scoffs ] [ Laughs ] Meredith thinks
she's supporting you. No, she thinks I can't do
my job without her. It sounds like you're
creating a…victim narrative. You're right.
I am a victim. That's not really
what I meant. That's okay, because that's
what I heard. Four internal microphones,
visual data processing. Impressive. [ Buzzer ]
Whee! Gillian! Can you get me
Etan Delvay? Ugh! Where is she? [ Soft music plays ] Gillian: You're the best.
I'm the best. I'll show her. Where's the buzzer? [ Singing in Japanese ] -Judy?
-Aah! Nice to meet you. I…like your office. Very…minimal. It's not real. [ Beep ] [ Crowd cheers ] Ow! That felt really real.
Then it was…to you. [ Electricity crackles ] I'm real.
The stapler isn't. [ Whistle blows ] Am I real? [ Whistle blows ]
Ow! You're being held back
by your company. Not by my company,
by Meredith. Ugh. I was like you once. Everything was built
to say "no" to me. So I chucked it all, and it's been one big "yes"
ever since. Tickle me for "yes." [ Laughs ] Share Bear brings affordable
mental healthcare to all. It listens, learns, and gives the most optimal
feedback it can, all while keeping
your information private and stored locally.
are in my tummy. [ Laughs ] Judy, our job
is to take big swings, and we start
with Share Bear. It's not too late to be the you
you dream about. -"We"?
-Yes. Because the one thing
I don't have is… Factories? …hundreds of disgruntled,
miserable employees to test the
Share Bears on. Oh, my God, I've got
so many of those! Together,
we'll put mental healthcare within arm's reach
of everyone. Is this the power input? That's my poo chute. [ Laughs ] Etan: For years, I struggled
with social anxiety. I stayed shut in. I only connected to the world
through computers. Hmm. Nobody told me
there was a meeting. I called it, as C.E.O. Well, isn't that great
for you. The thought of getting up
in front of all of you… You've got this. Yes. And that's why
I devoted my life to making Share Bear
a reality. [ Theme music plays ] [ Laughing ] Judy, you can't jump into
an investment like this. We don't know anything
about the tech world, or mental health, or… Share Bear.
…this guy. [ Laughing ] She's got a point.
We're an old-school company.
We make practical things —
coal, potash, porn — things people can touch. So,, it's not porn, but it is
exactly the kind of business we should be in. Etan is a decent, albeit odd,
man who's devoted his life to bringing goodness
to the world, and we can be a part
of that dream. [ Laughs ] I'm so confident in this deal,
I'll stake my reputation on it. [ Chuckles ] Yeah, uh, we'll need
a little more than that for the display case, Judy. You can't put that
in a bowl. We're so confident, Judy will
stake 20% of her stock in Sebben & Sebben on it. Uh, I will?
[ Chuckles nervously ] Wait.
Jude, let's talk about this. Deal!
[ Sighing ] Oh. Damn, I love a good bet. I'm legally obligated to tell
you, if this goes to [bleep] you forfeit the stock. Sign right there. Oh, my, only one
signature needed. We'll hold your stock
Ri-i-i-ght… over here. [ Singing softly
in Japanese ] ♪♪ Psst. Um, hi.
Sorry. I don't want to interrupt
the process. Um, just, like, ballpark, when
do you think I'll be able to hit the road? [ Train horn blows ] Jude, slow down. Let's talk about this. Don't you think it's a little
weird Etan completely spoke for you at that meeting? And you're worried
because that's your job? Whoo! Burn! Even a Thera-Bear
loves a good burn. You know the board's holding
20% of your stock. If this tanks,
you lose it, and they can overrule you
on all your decisions. It's super easy to judge
when you're second in command, but my name's
on this company.
I made a decision. Ow! [ Share Bears laughing ] Mer, as Birdgirl,
I've been trying to save the world one person
at a time. But as C.E.O.,
I have a shot at improving the lives
of millions of people. Can't we be
post-not-fighting? Yes, we can't…
not…totally. You're wrong about Etan. You'll see at
the launch party. Sorry, you already planned
a launch party? I still sense tension. How did your families
communicate anger? Both:
Shut up, Share Bear. Etan: When I first met Judy,
I thought this partnership was too good to be true,
because Sebben & Sebben has the highest suicide rate of
all Fortune 1,000 companies.
Where's our paychecks?! All this beautiful pent-up rage
makes Sebben & Sebben the perfect launch pad for
a revolutionary new product. [Sing-songy] Behold,
the first Share Bear. -Yeah!
-[ Laughs ] Anyway, the Share Bear! [ Up-tempo music plays ] Brian:
Sure, I've been fortunate. Always had a job
with constant promotions and a benefits
package. Things just always seem
to work out for me. Maybe because I'm such
a good person. That's very good, Brian,
but it sounds like you're holding
something back. Nothing gets past you,
does it, ya helpful bastard? I'll give you 5
openness points. 5?! Okay! I murdered Scot
with one "T." I can't eat or sleep. My golf game's
gone to [bleep] Confessing to the authorities
is a good first step. [ Chuckling ] Look at this
little guy. He even has
a sense of humor. Don't ever joke about that. I will gut you
from stem to stern.
That — That's your stern,
right? That's my bum button. [ Laughs ] It's weird. Partly, I'm worried about
my unsigned paycheck, but I guess what I'm really
afraid of is money defining me. [ Chuckling ] Listen to me, going on and on
and on about myself. How are you doing? Oh. Nobody's ever
asked me that. W-W-W-What?! You have never shared? But you're
a Share Bear. [ Gasps ]
I volunteer to eat your pain. Can you back up a tad? You're in my
personal space Am I? Or do you want to go
to that place? Do you want to go past
the scary, past the ugly, behind the
convenience store, Mom left you in a running car
while she went on a date? Share with me. [ Beeping ] Share with me,
S-S-Share Bear. [ Pop ] [ Thud ] [ Indistinct conversations ] Don't let another author
tell your story, Jessica.
Oh, everyone is loving
these little [bleep] Share Bear:
Tell me about your father. Morale's never
been better. I am so proud
of you, Jude. Thanks, Chaz. See, Mer,
Ete is a genius. That's not short for Etan,
is it? Say he's a genius. Ugh. He sure is…something. Wednesday fritters! And the fritters
are amazing! You've got to get on board
with this bear thing. But it means overcoming years
of my natural inclination to [bleep] on things. That's called
coprophilia. I can help. Etan just seems too good
to be true. [ Laughs ] [ Laughs ] [ Laughs ] Why don't you just find out? Invite him out
to a nice lunch, and then,
when nobody's looking, take a little stroll through his
brainpan to see if he's legit. Bwee-yoop. It's not "bwee-yoop." It's — Oh, forget it. Aw, Thursday is
fritters day. I'd like a wine spritzer. Nothing for the bear.
He's driving. [ Laughs ] [ Mindtake dial beeping ] Mind if I take
a look around? I live my life as a "yes." [ Chuckling ] Oh.
I'm gonna enjoy this. [ Beep ] [ Scatting ] We're a shoeless household. Judy may trust you,
but I don't, so I'm nosing around
for the real dirt. Relax. It'll feel like you're inside
of a grilled-cheese sandwich. Bwee-oop! [ Snoring ] Let's see what you're hiding
up in that piece, Mr. Delvay. Nope. Nope. Nope. My God, does he never
leave his apartment? Wait a second. Yep. Yep. Yes. I knew it. Now, how to show Judy
all this? Totally uncrackable. The only way to access the info
is, head turn, right arm, knee bend, elbow grab,
shake around, thumb up hoo-hah. [ Singing ] Caring, shar–
[ Tape rewinding ] Etan: Yes, Dog With Bucket Hat,
I've sent the wire transfer, so you can move that 20%
of Judy's stock right over to my account. I [bleep] knew it. He's plotting to take over
the company. I got to get that dude's bear. [ Singing in Japanese ] ♪♪ ♪♪ Yes. A million times, yes.
[ Chuckles ] [ Train horn blows ] Etan: Hmm. Bear goes on the belt. [ Imitates beeping ] You're free to go. [ Chuckles ] He's gone. I don't even know why
you wanted his bear. They're trash.
I've broken, like, 10. [ Sighs ] I don't really give
a [bleep] Paul. Let's see if this
gets you to talk. Head turn, right arm,
knee bend, elbow grab, shake it 'round,
thumb up hoo-hah. Share… Yes, Dog With Bucket Hat,
I've sent the wire transfer… Bingo. …of Judy's
stock right — [ Tape rewinding ] [ Singing ] Sharing.
All bears share. What the hell did I do? Sharing… Paul: So, how are you? And I
don't mean that as a platitude. Okay, is that what
I sound like? Gross.
[ Singing ]
All bears share. Sharing. -[ Singing ] Sharing.
-[ Singing ] Sharing. But I never make mistakes. [ Singing ] Sharing.
[ Tape rewinding ] So, there's this guy Dave who's
so bland and soft and milky. I have this creepy fantasy
that he shows up in my office in espadrilles
and a welding mask. Aaah! I'm not quite sure
where this goes. You leave my office, and I
pretend this never happened. What are espadrilles? [ Singing ] Sharing…
[ Tape rewinding ] [ Judy singing ] People have told me
I have a good voice. What people? [ Clatter ] Guys, we all have them.
Lance has one. Lance, buddy, tell them.
Tell them! What's wrong
with lipstick, huh? Guys. Guys!
Don't leave while it's weird! [ Soft music plays ] [ Cellphone chimes ] Dismiss.
Brian: My golf game's
gone to… I've been anonymously sending
his family all my loose change, but even that hasn't helped. I could see Scot with one T's
life force draining from him. The more he pleaded
with me… [ Clatter ] …the more I hated him. [ Indistinct shouting ] I don't know what's wrong! What's wrong? I staked my reputation
on you and your bears, and now,
both are worthless. Jude, I got his bear
to talk. Etan:
You can move that 20% of Judy's
stock right over to my account. He tricked you into
signing over your stock so he could wrest control of
Sebben & Sebben from you.
How could you?! How did you crack
my bear? What did they do to you,
baby boy? You know the thing —
elbow grab, shake it 'round,
thumb up ass. You overrode their
data-encryption settings! This is your fault! How about we all
take it down a notch? And later, we will be revisiting
you stealing 20% of my stock. It's really not
what it seems, Judy. I really trusted you,
you know? You and me,
changing the world. Brian, you're lurking. I know you invented
the Share Bear, and on behalf of everyone
at Sebben & Sebben, I'd just like to say… jump. [ Indistinct shouting ] [ Shouting stops ] [ Indistinct shouting resumes ] I don't know
about you people, but I told my bear
some dark [bleep] And what do
Share Bears do? They share —
with the world! Man: Yeah! [ Clears throat ] They'll leave the building, and
everyone will know our secrets.
[ Indistinct shouting ] Brian:
Thanks, broom guy. No bear shall pass
that threshold! -Yeah!
-Whoo! Uh, except him. Hey, Dave, can you go get
your goddamn bear? I'm gonna be
the bigger person, and say this isn't
all your fault. Another way of
putting that is…? It's not your fault
at all. I was just trying
to protect you. I don't need it, Mer. I blew my shares, but at least
it was my decision. You're right. I know your name's
on the company. And you know I support you
no matter what. Toothpaste. [ Electricity crackles ]
[ Clank ] Why are we stuck togeth–
oh, magnetic pen. You wear underwire bras, too?
[ Gasps ] Have you been
to Jeanette's? Where the alphabet
starts at "D." Ugh! [ Electricity crackles ] [ Share Bear laughs ] Mer, get the Birdteam. Aah! It's not that bad. Really. [ Singing in Japanese ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Whee!
-Hey, guys. It's me, Meredith,
in y'all's head! Bwee-yoop, mother[bleep] Paul, you round them up,
and drive them towards Charlie.
Charlie, you trap them
in the front entrance. Birdcat, guard the flank,
and make sure none of them get out the side door. Birdteam, go! [ Up-tempo music plays ] Come on, little ones. Come to Daddy Bear. [ Share Bears laughing ] Neodymium, go! Meredith: You don't have to
tell it to go. I like saying "go." [ Grunting ] ♪♪ Aah! [ Distorted talking ] ♪♪ [ Crowd gasps ] [ Crowd screaming ] Rent! Yes! [ Inhales deeply ] Before I go, I'd like to propose
direct deposit. Next! [ Soft music plays ] Huh.
I thought I said "coffee." Coffee. [ Sighs ] Coffee. Coffee.
[ Chuckles ] C-O-F-F-E-E. Coffee.
[ Basket contents rattling ] Who sent the congrasket? Etan:
"Dearest Judy, you're the only
one who ever believed in me — so much that you risked
20% of your company.
I bought your stock just to
give it back to you. Friends forever, Etan." Um, gulp. [ Monitor beeping ] I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you, Judy-y! ♪ Hey, who's the girl
that saves the world? ♪ ♪ Birdgirl! ♪ ♪ Wings of fire,
unique like pearls ♪ ♪ Birdgirl! ♪ ♪ Who's the one
they can't defeat? ♪ ♪ Hey, Birdgirl! ♪ ♪ Ultra fierce
and so unique ♪ ♪ Hey, Birdgirl! ♪ ♪ Birdgirl! ♪ ♪ Hey ♪
[ Imitates fanfare ] [ Organ music playing ] ♪♪ ♪♪ Uh, hello. Today is December 8th. I'm Joe Pera, and these are the announcements
for St. Benedict's Parish. The church is in need
of Eucharistic ministers for the 5:00 p.m.
Saturday mass. Please contact Angela Rosalita
at the rectory if you are interested
in volunteering. The holidays are coming up, and the Roy P. Shumacher
Toy Drive will take place from December —
I'm sorry. Have you guys heard of The Who? They rocked.
They're unbelievable. I heard them for the first
time on Thursday and I haven't slept since. I was in my kitchen
doing my kitchen chores, and I was listening to
this classic rock station, 'cause my hands were soaped and
I couldn't change the channel.
[ Classic rock plays ] Radio announcer:
All right, it's about
10 minutes after 9:00 and the snow's
really falling, so, to all of you out there
in winter wonderland, stay warm and keep on listening to the only classic
rock music station in Marquette, 102.1 WKUP. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ Out here in the fields ♪ ♪ I fight for my meals ♪ ♪ I get my back
into my living ♪ ♪ I don't need to fight ♪ ♪ To prove I'm right ♪ ♪ I don't need to be forgiven ♪ ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ [ Ringing ] Radio announcer:
WKUP, you're on the air. What was that song
you just played? Yeah, good one. Uh, you got a pen
and paper handy there, pal? Yeah. Got it. Okay, well, the name of
the song is "Baba O'Riley." Uh-huh.
All right, it's not
"Teenage Wasteland," even though they say
"Teenage wasteland" 100 times and
"Baba O'Riley" zero times.
I guess if you write
a song that good, you could give it
whatever dumbass title you want.
-Okay. And the name of the group
is The Who, all right? The Who, that's what
they're called. Jot that down
so we don't get into a goddamn Abbott and Costello
routine over here, all right? Thank you very much. Um, could you please
play it again? -Come on.
-Sorry, pal. I'd love to, but some guy
just requested "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam, so… Okay.
I'll try another station. You could also look
it up online, but whatever
you want to do. Anyway, thanks
for listening, all right? Hello. Could you please play
"Baba O'Riley" by The Who? ♪ Don't cry ♪ ♪ Don't raise your eye ♪ ♪ It's only teenage wasteland ♪ ♪ Sally, take my hand ♪ ♪ And travel south crossland ♪ ♪ Put out the fire ♪ ♪ Don't look past my shoulder ♪ "Baba O'Riley" by The Who.
Man: Okay. ♪ Out here in the fields ♪ ♪ I fight for my meals ♪ ♪ I get my back into my living ♪ ♪ I don't need to fight ♪ ♪ To prove I'm right ♪ "Baba O'Riley" by… "Baba O'Riley" by The Who. …The Who. Woman: Well, okay. Thank you. Whoo!
♪ Let's get together ♪ [ Bells ringing ]
♪ Before we get much older ♪ Come on in.
You've got to hear this song. You've gotta. You've gotta hear
more of this song. ♪ Teenage wasteland ♪ ♪ It's only teenage wasteland ♪ ♪ Teenage wasteland ♪
[ Laughter ] [ Breathing heavily ] ♪♪ Oh, I'm sorry. I can't give you
any pizza. ♪ Wasted! ♪
No, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no! He tried the pizza!
Don't eat it! And that's it. I've been a Who fan ever since,
and I've been up for three days straight listening
to the new Who song. Sorry to ramble, but I also
had another first this morning. I finally tried
Starbucks coffee. A little fancy for my taste,
but, boy, do I feel alive.
You know, the first week
listening to a new favorite song is kind of intoxicating. I wouldn't have in usual
circumstances, but I just got a new CD player
installed in my car. So, you have heard
the song before? What?!
Of course I've heard the song. Everyone's heard the song.
It's everywhere, all the time. How have you not heard it?
What are you, an idiot? No.
I don't know. Oh, hello, Sue. Hey, Joe.
Mike, where are the kids? Lift number two. -Hey, Mom.
-Hi. Joe: With my new in-dash
compact disc player, I could take
"Baba O'Riley" anywhere. ♪♪ The tradition of decorating
the Christmas tree with Nana was familiar, yet new,
thanks to The Who.
♪ I get my back
into my living ♪ ♪ I don't need to fight ♪ There's just something
about a new song that makes you want to share it
with all of the other teachers. Yeah,
this one's a classic. ♪ I don't need to be forgiven ♪ You know it's not called
"Teenage Wasteland"? Yeah, I know. ♪♪ ♪♪ Okay, Joe.
I'll take it from here. Oh, sorry,
Father Andrew. Music is great,
Starbucks is great, and please check out
"Baba O'Riley" by The Who. [ Laughter ] Well, thank you, Joe. That tune must truly be
something special for you to have stopped right
in the middle of the announcements
like that. It really is. Have you heard it? Can't say that I have. You probably have,
you just don't realize it. It goes… ♪ Bum, bum, bum ♪ ♪ Out here in the fields ♪ ♪ I fight for my meals ♪ ♪ I get my back
into my living ♪ ♪ I don't need to fight ♪ All: ♪ To prove I'm right ♪ ♪ I don't need
to be forgiven ♪ Like I said, I have not
heard that song before.
Uh, Joe, why don't you
go back to your seat? Okay.
Sit a spell. Uh, the rest of
the announcements, you can read
in the bulletin. ♪♪ Maybe I just don't get it. But it seems like
they realized they had written
the perfect song and then panicked, so then
they added a violin solo. What do I know? Either way, I hope you have
a good, happy holidays and a good rest
of your Sunday. Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot. I've got to be more careful. Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot.
Oh, shoot. Shoot. I'd better go back to bed. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪.